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So if you have a partner that can’t really appreciate what you do, that makes for a difficult—not that it’s impossible, but it makes for a very challenging time that you feel as though you can’t share that aspect in a joyous manner with someone who’s the closest person to you.

Magic Mike XXL sort of plays like the lesser sequel to the movie we all thought the original would be.

I wish I were exaggerating.) The “Pony” dance scene underscores another one of the film’s bizarre flaws: that besides Tatum, none of the lead guys can actually dance.

That might explain why the film spends so much time at Pinkett-Smith’s quasi brothel, where we are treated to no less than three dance numbers from non-speaking characters, including one by Michael Strahan. That entire scene, which goes on forever, seems to be designed to bring in dance reinforcements, from Community’s Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino) to So You Think You Can’t Dance’s Twitch, who features heavily in the big finale. Magic Mike and Twitch drag two women on stage (one is Amber Heard, a half-baked love interest for Mike), and then kind of manhandle and dry hump them, as yet another woman looks on from the S&M rack she has been strapped to.

There are basically two good scenes, as far as I can tell.

In one (you’ve seen it in the trailer), Mike is doing some welding in his workshop and is suddenly inspired to do an impromptu, Flashdance-like dance number, set to Ginuwine’s “Pony.” In the other, Richie is egged on by his boys to get his mojo back by performing a dance/seduction routine for a bummed out female clerk at a convenience store. Because in this film all fat and middle-aged women are sad and strippers being nice to them is their only potential source of happiness.

offers a hint about its politics—yes, it has politics—during the first and perhaps only real moment of conflict in the entire film.

Instead, it was a serious exploration of an exotic dancer (Channing Tatum) who found a seedy surrogate family of sorts with his fellow strippers while trying to make something of his life as a furniture designer.So they hop aboard Tito’s frozen yogurt truck and head to a stripper conference in Myrtle Beach. They go to a gay club, where they prance and mince on stage to try and win a prize.Mike’s furniture business isn’t going too well and he just broke up with his girl (another major character gone from the first film), so he tags along. They go to a kind of stripper brothel in Georgia, run by an ex flame of Mike’s (Jada Pinkett Smith, actually quite good) that exclusively caters to black women.Will Adam Rodriguez’s Tito and Kevin Nash’s Tarzan get any screen time?(At one point, in the film, Mike actually sidles up to Tito, whom the film has mostly ignored, and says, “We haven’t had our moment.” It felt like a script note that was left in the final draft.) Oh, and while I’m bitching, who thought it was a good idea to cast WWE’s Nash, who looks like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, as a stripper? Magic Mike XXL was written by a man (Reid Carolin) and directed by a man, but it begs the question: Have either of them ever actually spoken to a woman? Sorry guys, Magic Mike XXL is barely a movie at all, just a bunch of scenes cobbled together artlessly in support of some very regressive attitudes about women.

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